Hostile Environment

My loving wife has served her time in the army, but this had to be one of her bravest missions yet.

The toilet hadn’t been cleaned for over 20 years and was blocked. The smell as you can imagine was rather unpleasant. There was furry mould almost an inch thick on the walls and floor.

She donned her full hazmat attire, boots, mask, googles and gloves; armed herself with scrapers and brushes then prepared for action.

For someone who’d spent time serving in the desert, she did seem very scared.

We kissed and parted ways as I went to enjoy a fresh pain au raisin by the pond.

The toilet is actually being ripped down, as the downstairs loo will be moved into the a adjoining bread oven. The bread oven is approximately 3.75m x 2.5m, so would make a great loo. That will free up space in the kitchen.

Nobody seems to know where the septic tank or ‘fosse septique’ is. It maybe that the sewage simply drains into the well.

Unfortunately, before ripping it down we needed to clear the smell before the ‘septic tank’ man arrived.

A few hours later my lovely brave wife Mandy had stripped all the wallpaper and fitted a new loo seat. The bolts for the seat were obviously disgusting and rusty, so it was safer just to hacksaw the seat off.

Every surface was now dripping in bleach. A garden pressure sprayer was used to spray it into every corner and crevice.

Once finished, it still looked slightly unwelcoming but at least you might not come out a victim of the next pandemic.

Until the mains water is connected and the plumber has started re-plumbing, there will be no running water in the house. Therefore this toilet will not flush. We don’t know yet whether it’s connected to a septic tank, so flushing is still in question.

Hopefully, the strong smell of bleach and caustic soda will keep the flies away. Fingers crossed!

Mandy had taken ages chemically detoxing the loo and the warmth of the winter sun sent me to sleep. The sight of the migrating birds overhead was spectacular and both pastries from the local pâtisserie had been eaten. She woke me with a hot cup of coffee and said she loved me.

Mandy: No, I said ‘It’s a good job I love you!‘ – you never listen!